Not Looking for Love: Episode 3 Page 8

  Scott wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me to the bed, his tongue still in my mouth. He sits, and I straddle him without breaking the kiss, though it's clumsy going, but that's nothing new with me.

  I moan into his mouth as his fingers find my nipple through my bra and squeeze, sending a jolt down the center of my chest, making me wish we were naked, and I'm not sure why we aren't. I peel away from his lips and take off my wet shirt in one fluid motion, tossing it onto the ground behind me. He's biting on his bottom lip, staring at me like this is the first time he's ever seen me, and I don't want it to stop.

  I climb off his lap and slide my thumbs behind the waistband of my jeans, slowly working open the button and zipper. He's looking at me like he wants nothing more than to see me strip, and I do, pulling down my jeans as slowly as I can, because really, I just want to get naked. I'm no good at stripping for a guy, could never get out of my head for long enough to do it right, but it doesn't matter, because right now everything I do is perfect and I can't mess it up.

  I step out of my jeans and kick them over to the side, running my hands across my stomach and around to my back, reaching for the bra clasp. Scott's still just looking at me, his eyes so focused on me, it's like I'm the only thing in the room.

  I undo the clasp and feel my breasts bounce as they're released from the cage. His gaze is making me wet, and I feel him licking my nipples even though he's at least four feet away from me.

  Only my panties are left and then I'll be naked, and I can't wait for them to be off, but that's not how it's done. I slide my thumb under the waist band and circle around to the back, pulling my panties to just below my hips. I see his chest heave and I can do nothing wrong right now, so I don't even bother thinking.

  I hook the sides of my panties around my fingers and slide them down, bending my legs so I can trace the path down to the floor. And then it's done and I'm naked, my whole body crackling under his gaze.

  "You're so beautiful, Gail," he whispers. I'm not really sure how to stand, or where to put my arms, but it doesn't matter, because whatever I do is just perfect.

  I take a few steps toward him, but he stops me with his arms against my sides before I can straddle him again. "Let me just look at you for awhile."

  And his gaze feels like the softest, warmest summer breeze, but I want more.

  I slide my hands over his arms, grabbing the undersides of his biceps. "Why don't you undress too?"

  He grins at me and stands, pulling his shirt over his head. I lean in and take his nipple between my teeth, which is what I've wanted to do since I met him but never really got the chance. It's hard and tender and I lick the tip as I bite down a little harder, making him gasp.

  I slide my hands along his hard stomach and unbuckle his belt, fumbling with the button until it finally comes loose. His hard dick bounces up against my wrist as I finally manage to pull down his pants and underwear. I release his nipple and stare into his eyes, his cock in my hand, throbbing against my palm.

  "Do you want me to lick it?" I ask, my voice deeper and hoarser than I ever heard it before.

  He grins at me, his eyes so soft I could take a swim in them. "Yeah."

  I kneel, and somewhere way in the back of my mind I know this is just like the second night we had sex, but this moment is so different from that one, it might as well have happened to two other people.

  I spread my fingers out and hold the base lightly, running my tongue across the head, like it's a popsicle. He gasps as I wrap my lips around it and suck in. I'm not even sure what I'm doing but it seems to be working for him, so I do it again, taking more in, pulling off, doing it again. Not enough to gag, just enough to penetrate.

  My jaw aches from trying to open my mouth wide enough so my teeth aren't grazing his cock. I take my lips off and run my tongue along the thick vein running from the base to the tip, because it seems like something I might like. He gasps again, and digs his fingers into my hair, squeezing them into a fist. But he doesn't force his dick down my throat, or pull my head any closer, though a part of me really wishes he would.

  I slide my lips back over his cock as far as they will go, then pull back, repeating. His whole body is tense now, coiled. I let my tongue slide along his shaft on the next suck.

  "I'm really close," he whispers, and tries to pull away but I won't have that. I want him to cum in my mouth. I slide my lips over it again. When I pull back off, he shudders and hot cum fills my mouth. I let it sit there, feel some of it dribble down my chin and then his cock is no longer in my mouth and he's staring down at me, like he's afraid I might get mad. I swallow.

  He pulls me to my feet, and wipes my chin with his fingers. "Your turn, right?"

  I grin and nod, because he might as well be reading my mind.

  Scott wraps his arms around me and leans in for a kiss. I crane my head up to let his tongue into my mouth. But he pulls away and guides me down onto the bed, so I'm lying on my back. I keep my eyes locked on his, which are a dark blue now, and I'm actually lying in the soft grass of a meadow staring up at the midnight sky twinkling with billions of stars. If I concentrate very hard I can see all of the Milky Way.

  He looks away and then his lips are on my neck, kissing me gently, making me sigh. I close my eyes, so I can return to the meadow.

  Scott's lips travel down my throat, to my chest, and I moan, arching my back as they find my nipple. His hand is sliding over my other breast, kneading my stomach. And then his tongue is there, tracing the path his hand traveled a moment ago. The soft, warm touch is sending sparks through my entire body, which are all connecting in the spot between my legs, and I hope he doesn't stop before he reaches it.

  Then his hot breath is on my clit, intensifying the warmth already collected there, and I groan, arching my back towards his lips.

  I shudder as his tongue traces the path to my opening. His licks are sending surges of heat up through my stomach all the way to my head. It never felt like this with other guys, and I don't ever want it to stop.

  My entire body is melting from the heat, and I moan and grunt at the same time, as his tongue slides over the spot that's sensitive the most. His tongue is sliding in and out of me now, and I need more, want more, all of it.

  But I'm cresting the wave of my own orgasm and one wrong move now could chase it away. His tongue is on my clit again and I feel every bump of its rough surface as he licks it. He takes it between his teeth then licks just the swollen tip, going faster and faster, sending tiny explosions all through my body, making the wave rise higher and higher. I'm shaking all over, moaning and whimpering, arching my back up, feeling like I'm floating, the bed disappearing beneath me. Then suddenly, the wave crashes down and swallows us both, making all else burn away.

  I open my eyes sometime later, my chest no longer heaving and my heartbeat returned to normal. He's on his side, leaning against his arm and watching me, his eyes as soft as I feel right now.

  "We should do that again soon," I whisper and turn to my side so I can look at him.

  He smiles and his eyes are still swallowing me, wrapping me in a cloud-soft embrace that I don't ever want to leave. I climb under the covers and hold them up for him to join me. I've got my arms around him, and his are around me. His eyes are taking me back to the summertime meadow, the breeze soft against my skin, the sun peeking over the horizon making the dew on the grass sparkle in all the colors of the rainbow.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  A loud crash wakes me in the morning, my heart pounding and my vision all blurry. Raindrops are still pelting the roof, and it sounds like rocks are hitting it. Several car alarms are blaring in the street below. Scott's lying on his side, his arm around my waist. I slide from under it and sit on the edge of the bed rubbing my eyes and willing my heartbeat to return to normal.

  "What happened?" he asks and rolls over onto his back, stretching his arms over his head.

  "Lightning probably," I say. "I think it struck pretty close."

  He rubs
his eyes and yawns loudly. "Is that your car alarm?"

  I stumble over to the window and peel away the curtains to check. But our cars are silent, it's the ones further down the block that are blaring. The woman who lives across the street is staring at me from her bedroom window, her mouth wide open. And then I realize I'm still naked, and it's broad daylight outside, so I close the curtains hastily and turn back to the bed. Scott is sitting up now, his gaze fixed on me, taking in every inch and seeing everything.

  I smile and walk back to the bed slowly.

  "Do you have class or something?" he asks and I shake my head. I do have several classes today, but I'm not attending any of them.

  "How about a shower?" I ask and stand over him so he can get a good look. The Gail I'm seeing in the mirror on the closet door by the bed is gorgeous, glowing white, shimmering at the edges. It's not the Gail I usually see, so it must be how he sees me.

  He licks his lips and laughs. The sheet is still draped over his legs but I know he's just as naked under it, just as ready.

  "You know, I'd love to," he says. "But I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, and I have a feeling a shower could take awhile."

  My own stomach rumbles a little at his words, and I realize I haven't eaten for even longer.

  "Breakfast then?" I smile and reach for my robe.

  He pulls on his jeans without any underwear and I just know that's all I'm going to be thinking of while we eat.

  Downstairs, he opens the fridge while I get the coffee going. It's almost ten, though outside it looks like dawn has just broken.

  "You have no food," he says and tosses out the packet of bread, ham and cheese on the counter, and finally a jar of mayo.

  "I think that went bad like back in the spring," I say, picking up the jar and checking for the expiration date.

  He takes the jar from me and unscrews the lid. "This stuff never goes bad." He takes a whiff and slams the lid back on, his nose screwed up. "Or maybe it does."

  "I have some cereal somewhere," I say and toss the mayo in the trash.

  "No, that won't do." He opens the fridge again. "Got any eggs?"

  "No, too much cholesterol," I say. "Is that why your fridge is always empty? Because you're so picky about food the store just doesn't stock anything you like?"

  "Nah, that's just because I'm too lazy to go buy some." He closes the fridge and pulls a couple of pieces of bread from the bag, layering on the cheese and ham. "Besides my dad's place is just a few minutes away, and Ava insists on bringing me lunch practically everyday, so it's not like I actually have to buy my own food."

  He shakes the sandwich at me. "Want one?"

  "No, thanks." I brush past him, making sure to slide my body over his, and get the milk. "I'll just have some cereal."

  He takes a seat at the table and starts eating. The sandwich is almost gone by the time I join him with my bowl of cereal.

  "You're really lucky with all those people feeding you," I say and chuckle.

  "It's nothing compared to how great it was while David was still around," he says. A shadow passes over his eyes, and I'm very aware that he said 'around' and not 'alive'.

  "Really?" I say, because anything more will make my voice shatter into a million pieces.

  "No, it's alright, Gail," he says, and runs his hand over my forearm, like I'm the one who needs to be comforted over his friend dying. "David was a chef, and he cooked like all the time. Really well, too."

  I clear my throat and look into his eyes. But they're blank now, not transporting to me any place safe and warm. "That must have been great. Did he teach you to make anything?"

  "Yeah right, he could hardly stand me being in the kitchen while he cooked, and I certainly wasn't allowed to touch anything," Scott says and smiles, the shadows disappearing from his eyes like he's looking all the way back to that kitchen and not regretting the sight. "I actually never saw the point in trying to learn, since he could do it so well."

  The shadow returns, and I know what he's not saying like he actually said it aloud. He expected his friend to be around for a long time yet.

  I want the shadows to go, I want it to be just us in this kitchen. Dead is dead. Why does it have to stay with you forever?

  "I can't cook at all either," I mutter.

  "Judging by the state of your fridge, I can believe that," he says, and eats the last bit of his sandwich like he's happy we're changing the subject too. "Was that some Chinese leftovers I saw in the fridge?"

  I screw up my eyes, trying to recall when we ordered that. "I think that's been there since Tuesday. I wouldn't eat it anymore."

  He stands and goes back to the counter. "I guess it's just sandwiches for me then."

  "We could go out," I suggest.

  "What, in this weather?" He shakes his head and looks at me over his shoulder, grinning widely. "Besides, weren't we going to take a shower after breakfast?"

  The same grin spreads across my face, and desire forms a channel between us, flowing strong. I can't wait for him to finish that second sandwich.

  Once we're in the bathroom, I slide off my robe and turn on the tap. I watch Scott undress in the mirror, but the steam rising soon makes it impossible.

  I take his hand and lead him to the shower, because he's just standing there, staring at me, and the heat in the room is amplified by his gaze making it hard for me to breathe.

  "Don't you think that's a little hot?" he says after placing his fingers under the spray and snatching them away immediately.

  I step under the spray, and bend my head back so the water wets my hair and runs down my back. "I like it hot."

  I'm still holding his hand but my arm is stretched out all the way now, because he's not getting in with me.

  "Seriously," he says and grins sheepishly. "The water's too hot for me."

  I adjust the temperature with my free hand. "My, you are difficult to please."

  "Not really," he says and steps in, wrapping his arms around me. "I just don't want to have a heart attack from the heat in here."

  I swallow the sharp fear that rises from my chest at his words. But he's gazing into my eyes, and I can see for miles through his, into a place worlds away, where even death has no real meaning.

  I run my hands over the muscles of his arms, squeezing the hard flesh which doesn't really yield under my fingers. His neck is just as hard as his bicep, he's all muscle. There's nothing soft on him, except his lips pressed against mine now, in a kiss that has no beginning and no end.

  My back is pressed against the tiles of the shower wall, the cold accentuating the heat, creating the perfect contrast. I lift my leg and wrap it around his lower back so his erection is pressing into me.

  I pull away from the kiss and wrap my arms tightly around his neck. "I want you inside me."

  His cock is throbbing against me, but he makes no move to obey.

  "I want you to lift me up and do me against this wall," I whisper into his ear.

  He smiles and grabs the back of my thigh. "We're supposed to wait a couple of weeks."

  "I don't want to wait," I say.

  "Like two or three weeks, right?" he asks. "Besides, if we do it like you want it'll just go in too deep, and you won't thank me for that."

  I can't believe he can still say no to me so easily. "A week or two they said, but I'm ready now."

  I graze my teeth across the hard tendon of his neck, squeezing lightly.

  "Don't start biting again, Gail," he says. "It won't make me change my mind. And we're not doing it without a condom."

  The water seems to turn icy cold at his words. I'm on the nighttime beach again, and the cold water is really spray from the rising black waves into which I threw my daughter, our daughter.

  Scott's eyes are like shaded windows now, transporting me nowhere, making none of this easier. There's a Gail who knows he's only saying these things because he cares, but she's very far away and speaks very quietly.

  Scott grins at me, and his eyes are light bl
ue like the sunniest sky again. "Besides, I hurt my back helping a friend move last week, so lifting you is not really something I want to do right now."

  I want to smile back, laugh even, and tell him it's alright, but this feels too much like our first few encounters, and I was sure we left those in the past. I was dumb to think it. Those days will hound me forever.

  He lets me go and reaches for the shower gel, twisting his nose up at the flowery scent. "Man, this is way too girly, Gail."

  The movie of my past humiliations is still doing a rerun in my head. "Is nothing I can offer good enough for you?" I say it too harshly, too shrilly.

  The smile disappears from his face, and his eyes are hooded again, dark blue like deep ocean. "How can you even say that, Gail?"

  I'm just standing there, staring at him, my mouth open, no words forming from the thoughts racing through my mind. It's all crashing against me, cutting me with the jagged edges. Mom's blind, glistening eyes staring at the ceiling, the crazy Gail who used the gardener for sex, killed her baby, ignored her friends, buried her feelings so deep they might never have surfaced had Scott not been so nice to me.

  He's not looking at me anymore, not waiting for an answer. He dumps some shower gel into his palm and lathers up, while I'm still just standing there, salty tears mixing with the water running down my face. I burst forward and wrap my arms around his stomach.

  "I'm sorry," I say, ignoring the soap now running into my mouth. It's not just for what I said now, it's for all those other things I said, and did, and thought. "I don't know where I'd be now if you hadn't taken me back."

  He brushes his hair from my face and keeps his fingers tangled up in it. "You'd be just fine, Gail, I'm sure."

  I have a nagging feeling that he's not really accepting my apology, but he's not pushing me away and he's not arguing with me, so maybe he is and I'm wrong, because I'm scared, unstable, seeing things that aren't there.

  After we get out of the shower, I take my time blow drying my hair. When I finally emerge from the bathroom, he's lying on the bed, leaning on the headrest, dressed to go out. My heart is racing in my throat, because I'm suddenly certain he'll just say bye and disappear.